In A Sadist Kind Of Way

So earlier today, I had an exchange with a rather peculiar girl. She was nice-looking, like someone you'd have a crush over but never got the courage to tell her about it. She seemed friendly, fun to be with, had a lot of things to say that made sense and actually would help a lot of people. Good fashion sense, witty and rather quirky even.

But a few things made me say that she was rather peculiar. One, even though she posts these rather gorgeous pictures of herself, in very nice dresses and outfits, doing all sorts of poses and moves, there was something in her eyes that was rather off. It was as if her eyes had this look of calling out to you, a "Save me!" kind of expression in her eyes. But that could just be me, being all weird and stuff.

And this is where it gets real. I never noticed if she posted photos of her like these, but she had ones that showed her arms. Believe me there was nothing wrong with the picture at all, she was still her classy-looking self, but what stuck me was the state her arms were in.

One word: MUTILATED.

Yes, she literally cut herself in the arms. Real deep. You can actually see them, even though the photos weren't very detailed. Several scars were very prominent, that you could tell they hurt real bad when she did them. I may have done so myself a few times, but damn. What she did to herself was just scary.

She had her reasons, and I know the other people who did the same things to themselves had theirs, but it really saddens me that it happens too often, and it just grows more and more. I may never be able to understand why someone would put themselves on such an ordeal when clearly, they have suffered enough.I can say all the cliche things that I can about how life gets better, and how our past isn't something to mourn about and other stuff, but I guess only they can turn things around.

This reminds me of Edward Elric, from Fullmetal Alchemist. He and his brother Alphonse were in real deep shit when they tried, and failed, to revive their dead mother, at the cost of Ed's leg and Al's body. Ed was blaming himself the entire time for what happened to his brother and himself, but he didn't beat himself up about it. He may have blamed himself continually, but he never did any harm to himself. Instead, he bettered himself, and supported and cherished those he still had, reaching out for what he could, eventually gaining back what was stolen from him and his brother.

I guess I could never get the hang of dealing with the fact that people continue to hurt themselves for reasons I may never be able to know and comprehend, but I do know one thing.

Only you alone have the power to change how your life would turn out, not your past.

Power of the Tongue

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue."

It's Sunday, and I just came home from church. Hey, don't you dare go all "Oh no, he's gonna be all preachy on us now!" This just came to me while I was sitting there listening to the sermon. It's one of those epiphanies one has in the most unusual of places. Well, I guess that wasn't that unusual in my case.

Well anyways, it came to me on the very first passage that was read, which you already read as well. Taken from the book of Proverbs, one would understand that this can be applied to all aspects of life. Be it in relationships, acquaintances, or even strangers. Words affect our lives, and people in it.

Words can break people, start wars, end relationships, build envy and wrath, and just basically bring out the bad in people. From the moment we were born till the day we die, some words will be too hard for us to bear silently.
From our childhood, we were made to listen to what our elders say, how they threaten us to be taken away by someone if we did bad things, how we might end up being taken away if we didn't eat our veggies or took our afternoon naps.
In school, we got insulted, people take behind our backs, spread rumors, and tell lies to us and those we know. Some words even cut so deep that it makes one snap, making them take the desperate way out, hurting themselves physically more than they already are, even ending their lives. And even worse, other people's lives.
At work, it goes on and on, bosses and co-workers alike will criticize your work, maybe even put you down just to get what they want. Your spouse, or even your kids, can also say the meanest things, out of disappointment, or discontent. Self-esteem and morale can go down with a single word we say. That's why they say that the tongue is like a double-edged sword. You may not see it now, but it'll hurt you too if you're not careful enough.

But words can also be used to soothe the soul, calm the spirit, and alleviate the pains of our hearts. It can motivate a person to move, it can make the simplest of things matter the most for someone. A little girl's cry can be hushed by words spoken warmly and gently. It can build up a lover's excitement over what is to come from a night of unbridled passion for each other. It can calm the shaky voice of a performer, awaiting his chance on the stage. It can unify two souls, oceans apart, as if God had intended for them to be with each other, despite their differences and complexities. Words that can rile up the passion of young souls to do the right thing, for men in power to rise above the system of corruption, for poor men to strive hard and not be a burden to society.

Ladies and gentlemen, words are but an expression of who we are and who we intend to be. They may not be tangible, but they strike hard on those we throw them at, and they caress soothingly to those we warmly utter them to.

Friends and readers, watch the words you use, be it written or spoken. Think before you say or type something you might regret later on. Be careful what the power of the tongue can do to you, and others.

Fight For Your Love

It's been months since I last wrote anything here, and mainly because I didn't have anything that would motivate me to do so. But I'm back, and I guess this isn't a very positive motivation that I'm having right now. Recently, I said that I'm leaving for the US, and that's not the only good news. I got back together with this amazing girl that I have known for years now. You probably know her from my earlier entries, but we're all good now. For some reason, she was depressed or sad about something, and that got me thinking. You know me, with my brilliant, over-thinking noggin. So I ended up blaming myself for it, thinking that it's my fault that she's feeling bad. I tried talking to her, I gave it my all. I really did.

But I guess you're not really meant to fix everything, or make her smile every single time. But that also means you shouldn't stop trying. If you really want someone to stay or love you, you don'd give up hope on the first sign of trouble or hardship. You struggle, even if you know it's a losing battle. You flail your arms to reach out to her, you squirm, you crawl, you claw your way towards her, because in the end, it's how much we did for someone that mattered. Sure, you may end up not getting the girl, but you can say to yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed of, because you gave your all. You put your heart on your sleeve, you wear your love for her with pride.

So guys, never be afraid to love someone, no matter what. Have that "Won't-have-it-any-other-way" attitude towards it. You can be lenient on your beau, but never be lenient when it comes to your relationship. Fight for it, don't let the fear of rejection or loss hold you back. Fight for your love.

For Good

Good morning America! Yes dear readers, I am officially here in Carson, CA. I arrived here at around 5am Manila time, 1pm US time. So far things have been okay, except for the fact that I miss a certain person. We've met several times before I left the country back in February, but in all those times we were together, we never actually did anything meaningful or thoughtful. We just talked and spent time together. I had the urge every time to tell her I love her, hug and kiss her, but never took the chance because I may end up getting her mad at me or hate me for it. I honestly thought that she didn't care that much about me leaving, OR SO I THOUGHT.

We both regretted not having done more those three times we met. Although just seeing her meant enough for me, I still wish we did more than just talk and kid around. I could honestly say that I cried about it. Out of frustration and regret. Maybe because I wont be coming home soon, and that I may never get to see her and be with her. Sucks when you realize things too late.

Now we only talk through the net, in the wee hours that we share together. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I hope that's true for my sake.

Yes To Change!!

So recently I've been uber depressed about things. But when December arrived, it suddenly faded. Weird huh. It was as if all the drama and sadness just got shoved into its tiny box shelved away in a deep dark void somewhere. I wouldn't complain about it, but I found it a bit odd that it was that fast. Well, I guess that means I get over things fast, don't dwell on things that linger in the past, like mistakes, regrets, and other crap. How I manage to get on with my life knowing that I should learn from the mistake I made, and even the ones people made to me. I also heard on the radio that if one was to make a New Year's resolution work, you have to work at it earlier.

Great advice right?! So I thought deep about it, and had an epiphany! Yes, indeed!

I'm gonna change for the better, not for you, or anyone else, but for my own good. Who knows, maybe Future Me would land a great job, a nice house, a girl who loves him more than anyone did, and an awesome digital home theater. Oh, I'd love that. I sure hope Future Me is taking notes. Especially the girl and the job. That would be awesome.

So yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'll try to improve myself. But no, I won't let other people tell me how to do it. I wont let any human being dictate how I should and shouldn't be. I'll do things my way...

DEAL WITH IT!!

I'm going to put behind the past, make sure it stays there, and go to a place where I can truly be happy, focused, accomplished, and when I get back here, and find the things I've once left behind, I'd laugh at them.
Why the hell would I pick up things of the past, they are old and used. I need to move on and forget everything else other than what I learned there.

So while others linger at the past, the mistakes people made to them and the decisions they made that proved underwhelming, I will do my best to face the future, never getting bitter about the past and what mistakes were made.

I mean, why be bitter and cranky about one thing when you can focus on fixing it and moving on. I guess some people are not as open-minded. Well, sucks to be them.

So I say to you, readers...THEY SEE YOU ROLLIN', THEY HATIN'

...but dont you dare let that get the best of you! I say leave that lame Grinch* and move on towards something awesome.

*How I Met Your Mother reference! -high five-