In A Sadist Kind Of Way

So earlier today, I had an exchange with a rather peculiar girl. She was nice-looking, like someone you'd have a crush over but never got the courage to tell her about it. She seemed friendly, fun to be with, had a lot of things to say that made sense and actually would help a lot of people. Good fashion sense, witty and rather quirky even.

But a few things made me say that she was rather peculiar. One, even though she posts these rather gorgeous pictures of herself, in very nice dresses and outfits, doing all sorts of poses and moves, there was something in her eyes that was rather off. It was as if her eyes had this look of calling out to you, a "Save me!" kind of expression in her eyes. But that could just be me, being all weird and stuff.

And this is where it gets real. I never noticed if she posted photos of her like these, but she had ones that showed her arms. Believe me there was nothing wrong with the picture at all, she was still her classy-looking self, but what stuck me was the state her arms were in.

One word: MUTILATED.

Yes, she literally cut herself in the arms. Real deep. You can actually see them, even though the photos weren't very detailed. Several scars were very prominent, that you could tell they hurt real bad when she did them. I may have done so myself a few times, but damn. What she did to herself was just scary.

She had her reasons, and I know the other people who did the same things to themselves had theirs, but it really saddens me that it happens too often, and it just grows more and more. I may never be able to understand why someone would put themselves on such an ordeal when clearly, they have suffered enough.I can say all the cliche things that I can about how life gets better, and how our past isn't something to mourn about and other stuff, but I guess only they can turn things around.

This reminds me of Edward Elric, from Fullmetal Alchemist. He and his brother Alphonse were in real deep shit when they tried, and failed, to revive their dead mother, at the cost of Ed's leg and Al's body. Ed was blaming himself the entire time for what happened to his brother and himself, but he didn't beat himself up about it. He may have blamed himself continually, but he never did any harm to himself. Instead, he bettered himself, and supported and cherished those he still had, reaching out for what he could, eventually gaining back what was stolen from him and his brother.

I guess I could never get the hang of dealing with the fact that people continue to hurt themselves for reasons I may never be able to know and comprehend, but I do know one thing.

Only you alone have the power to change how your life would turn out, not your past.