Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!!

Yay! Another depressing countdown done! Yes, it's my former best friend's birthday today! And guess what, I didn't do anything or even have a single idea what to do for her, or give. I'm such a lame friend that I know next to nothing about what she likes now. Yay me for being the lousiest friend ever. Maybe that's the reason she replaced me like a used rag. Or maybe the fact that I did something incredibly stupid on her birthday 4 years ago. Either way, I know I won't be getting her back. Maybe when pigs fly, but as of late, I haven't seen any aerial swines just yet. Maybe when we see white crows? Hmmmm...gotta talk to my resident genetic engineer first. It's like... IMPOSIBURUUUU!! Yes folks! I've been without a proper best bud since '04! Aaaaaand it probably will go on till the day I die. But I don't mind. I guess not everyone is cut out to be a best friend. I dunno why but I stayed up for this. Must be that stinking feeling of regret that looms over me whenever I'm about to sleep in the wee hours of the night. But this one's different, it's like a powerful void inside my heart's been brought up from the void that is my sea of regrets. I will probably be facing an entire day of sadness while she's having a blast, but I'm blaming no one...EXCEPT MYSELF!! In the end, it's just another day for me. Important, but not something I can do anything about. Knowing that I'm as insignificant to her as a game request to some "-ville" from Facebook just proves that I shouldn't bother with it, but no matter what I do, I still wished for that day I can call her at 2 in the morning to come pick me up because I drank too much and couldn't drive myself home, saying how much I love her and that she's the best friend in the entire cosmos. But yeah, it wont happen...because I'm such a d*** for falling for her. So I suppose this means I'll be "celebrating" my fourth year without a best friend today. Drinks on me!! By the way, I wrote this while listening to my iPod, who apparently thinks songs by John Mayer, Jason Mraz, and The Script seemed appropriate. #FML #ForeverAlone

BFF

This is my first time writing a blog in the morning! >_< Almost all my blog were written in the afternoon to the late hours of the night [in my timezone, mind you]! But this wont be any different from any other that I've written so far. It'll be the same garbage you've been reading if you follow this blog of mine. For the last four years, November has been a very depressing month for me. Maybe it's because its the month I lost a lot, mostly relationships. Or maybe because I suffer from S.A.D or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Either way, I feel like sh*t when the last quarter of the year begins. ESPECIALLY November. Why, you ask? It's just because of one person. Someone who has been in most of my life, yet I can vaguely remember what happened between us, which is sad and stupid. My former best friend, who was also my secret crush at the time. She was someone I was comfortable with and pretty much could talk about anything. But that was way back then. It was all my fault for falling for someone I shouldn't that our friendship went down the drain. I made a mistake that ruined what we had back then. The worst part is that I never got the courage to try and take it all back. I was scared of rejection all over again. It was as if something keeps telling me to avoid talking to her, knowing that it would bring nothing but shame and regret in my part. I have this thinking that she's better off without me, that I'm better off not interfering with her again. I felt like a ticking time bomb and I didn't want to go off near her. I know what you're thinking, "WHAT A WUSS! GROW A PAIR AND TELL HER!" Well, I'm not like most guys who do things before they think. Guys who think they can take back things by mere words rehearsed and recited in front of someone. And I find it hard to tell someone that I still love her when clearly, I did something she doesn't want me to. Call me a coward for not talking to her, but I know that she's better off with someone else. She doesn't deserve someone like me. And I already know that she's happy with the way things are. Heck, she might have forgotten about me and that we were friends. But I won't blame her. In fact, I'll encourage her to do so. It's not like I meant that much to her anyways. I never meant much to anyone. I guess I better get used to this. Not having a best friend. I better get used to the fact that I ruined all the relationships I've been in, and ever will be in. Better get used to the fact that the last quarter of my year will be a whole lot chillier than it used to be.

Clingy?

[This was originally from my Tumblr, http://diehardromantic.tumblr.com/] I tend to end up getting too attached to someone I’m friends with. So attached that it even gets to the point where I don’t know where being in-love and friendly starts and ends. It’s the same reason why I end up getting hurt when I see them with the person they like. It’s also the reason I lost my best friend. She replaced me with someone she met later than me, which sucked even more. Oh well, some things aren’t really meant to last. November may still be my worst month, especially around the later weeks. It’s been 3 years, maybe 4, since we last talked and smiled at each other. We probably never will. She probably has a boyfriend and maybe she’s still with her newer best friend. I think there’s little chance I could do anything to get her back. I have nothing to offer her. Well, maybe my love and attention, but I guess it wasn’t enough last time, why would it be any different now? Guess that’s just me not knowing where my place is in someone’s life. I’m an idiot for getting too attached to her, and anyone else.