BFF

This is my first time writing a blog in the morning! >_< Almost all my blog were written in the afternoon to the late hours of the night [in my timezone, mind you]! But this wont be any different from any other that I've written so far. It'll be the same garbage you've been reading if you follow this blog of mine. For the last four years, November has been a very depressing month for me. Maybe it's because its the month I lost a lot, mostly relationships. Or maybe because I suffer from S.A.D or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Either way, I feel like sh*t when the last quarter of the year begins. ESPECIALLY November. Why, you ask? It's just because of one person. Someone who has been in most of my life, yet I can vaguely remember what happened between us, which is sad and stupid. My former best friend, who was also my secret crush at the time. She was someone I was comfortable with and pretty much could talk about anything. But that was way back then. It was all my fault for falling for someone I shouldn't that our friendship went down the drain. I made a mistake that ruined what we had back then. The worst part is that I never got the courage to try and take it all back. I was scared of rejection all over again. It was as if something keeps telling me to avoid talking to her, knowing that it would bring nothing but shame and regret in my part. I have this thinking that she's better off without me, that I'm better off not interfering with her again. I felt like a ticking time bomb and I didn't want to go off near her. I know what you're thinking, "WHAT A WUSS! GROW A PAIR AND TELL HER!" Well, I'm not like most guys who do things before they think. Guys who think they can take back things by mere words rehearsed and recited in front of someone. And I find it hard to tell someone that I still love her when clearly, I did something she doesn't want me to. Call me a coward for not talking to her, but I know that she's better off with someone else. She doesn't deserve someone like me. And I already know that she's happy with the way things are. Heck, she might have forgotten about me and that we were friends. But I won't blame her. In fact, I'll encourage her to do so. It's not like I meant that much to her anyways. I never meant much to anyone. I guess I better get used to this. Not having a best friend. I better get used to the fact that I ruined all the relationships I've been in, and ever will be in. Better get used to the fact that the last quarter of my year will be a whole lot chillier than it used to be.