Over the Little Things

Oh wow, look at me go! Two blogs in one night! And here I thought I wouldn't have time for this. Guess I do!

So it's raining here, but for some reason, I'm not enjoying it. I'm more of a rain person but it just didn't occur to me to do what I always do when it rains. WATCH IT. I crammed myself inside my room to just sit here and allow things to run all over my mind in a stampede of realizations that hit me harder than a freight train.

I attended a debut almost a week ago, and it was great. I met some new friends, had a little drink, slept at my friend's house, who looked stunning all throughout the night. But I had that feeling that I'm having right now. I didn't know whether to be happy about her birthday or sad about me being the only one there, standing in the midst of her closest friends and relatives, who loved her so much but can never fully express nor say anything about it. It was something as easy as saying "I love you" or wrapping her in my arms, but I couldn't. Made me feel like I shouldn't have been there, since it only made me want to leave as she elegantly danced and smiled and looked happy.

But what really took over me was the fact that she'll be far more harder to reach since she'll be having more suitors and friends. Something that scared me half to death. I couldn't bear to see her with someone else, but I certainly had no right to feel like this, so why do I feel like this?

Who am I to deprive her something if it meant her happiness, even if it kills me a million times over?

Yes, I am immersing myself once more into the bitter waters of the sea or martyrdom. Although I am familiar with this environment that I'll be submerging myself into, I can never remove the hurt I get from things she does, texts, posts, or says.

She thinks I'm being dramatic over such little things.

I say, "Everything about you is something I count as important. So to me, nothing is a little thing. You mean more to me than my own being. All because I love you as the hopeless romantic martyr that I am."

This goes out to someone who calls me "Kuya" and wants it to be that way and nothing more.

Tough nuts.