Wear That Smile

"I'm okay..."
Both the easiest and the hardest thing to say, especially after countless heartaches and failures.

I have this tendency to be the volunteer martyr when it comes to relationships and a few other things. I often times don't argue or shout, I don't even raise my voice any higher than anyone already raising theirs. I just keep quiet and go with what is happening.

It may be lame or even weak in some people's perspective, but for me, it's as if I'm doing them a favor by not being a bother to their decisions. I let them decide on what would make them happy or satisfied, and let them be with said choice.

"Who am I to deprive you of your happiness and satisfaction?"

If it makes you comfortable and happy, go. I would care less if you left me, replaced me, insulted me, degraded me, as long as it makes you happy. All I'm going to say is, "It's okay, I'm alright, Don't worry, I can manage."

Even though often times, it really isn't. Even though deep down inside this sick, twisted mind of mine, I'm dictating to myself how idiotic and stupid I was.

To deny one's self of your satisfaction for the sake of another, is something I am fond of doing. Not for the praise of anyone, but because it's my way of getting back at the crappy stuff I've been doing these past 19 years.

I'll keep on saying I'm okay, I'll keep on smiling even though I'm hurt. Just so you wont be sad about me.