So a few days ago, I attended a seminar somewhere in the Metro. It had something to do with being able to generate your own income at our own pace. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who were willing to participate, as I stood there inside a crowded venue, the person who brought me there raising her voice to accommodate me. She was so enthusiastic about it that I couldn't say no. So I agreed to listen to the speakers and try to digest everything they presented. After the seminar, which kinda blew me away, I tried to rethink about what I just did and what I was about to get into.
At first I thought, "Wow, this could really be my lucky break. I can finally buy this and that, etc." But the cautious man that I am, I tried to feign deciding upon it. I really did want to earn more, to help my parents with the financial demands, as well as to alleviate my longings. I then thought, "How will Ma and Pa take this? They never agreed to me having a job, much more something like this." It kinda scared me as well, to be handling that amount of money. So as expected, I had trouble sleeping. Partly because I had some issues that were still unresolved as well as the offer I was being pressured to take.
The next day, I went home to Cavite with a heavy load on my back. My mother noticed this, but I avoided discussion and just faked being tired. Yes, I was tired, but not that tired. It was the struggle inside me, something that kept coming back up even when I try to push it back down. Again, I slept that night the same way I did the night before.
Come Sunday, I sighed heavily as I sat in bed, thinking things through. I tried to make as little of a fuss about it as I could, only to have a migraine join in on the fray that is my thoughts. I tried hard to keep it together as I attended church service.
This is where things turned better.
With the fact that I was never really good at decisions, and that I can't bear to tell my parents about it, I knew that if this continued on, I might not be able to concentrate on the task ahead of me.
But what greeted me at church, as I listened to the preaching intently, was something that certain eased the tension, and finally gave me peace of mind about the matter.
The missionary preacher talked about contentment, and how one can learn to develop such a noble trait. He said that "One must learn the lesson of self-denial in order to be content." That phrase got me, but it didn't stop there. He also said, "We are nothing, we came to this world with nothing, and we shall leave with nothing." I agreed whole-heartedly. We came to this world, and shall leave it too, with nothing in our hands, no clothes in our backs, FROM DUST TO DUST.
The preacher also talked about how vanity is but vanity. To gain material wealth, only to lose it in the end. I realized that no matter how much I make out of myself and the things I have, on Judgment Day, we will all be tried and tested the same way, to see whether we go up or down, live in eternal happiness or perish in the unforgiving flames. It was a realization that had a sigh of relief along with it.
I was thankful that day for the preacher and his message, as well as to my family who introduced me to being spiritually faithful and devoted. And I most especially thank Him for bringing that message to the heart of that pastor.
He never really will fail you in your time of need.
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