Hopeless?

There's a romantic in all of us. Well, most of us, I guess. But the point is, that one way or another, we long to be adored, fancied, wooed, and loved. A sense of importance that stems from the notion that another person longs for your attention, your presence, your affection. A feeling of purpose that is to requite and reciprocate the passionate expressions of amour. Ah yes, to love and be loved. Such a beautiful thing.

But then again, love is but a rose. Along with it's beauty is it's sting. It may be the life to most, but death to the unsung. It is but a two-edged knife that severs the ties that bind our passion, but also cuts deep into the soul, should it be wielded haphazardly.

I am no stranger to both sides of this most precious coin. It has its value, and its costs. I have loved, betrayed, and lost, all but for the pursuit of that one woman to ease the longings of my hopelessly romantic heart. I tried all that I could, exerted what little I had, crawled, howled, pleaded, and bled for it. But alas, there's only so much one man can take.

I have grown weary of chasing like a madman, flailing like a fish out of water, like a rooster with its head cut off. I have given up, it seems. I have lost all manner of will to carry on loving those who claimed to have loved me. I no longer have it in me to think of myself as someone who will end up with a lady who adores me as much as I do. The mere thought of it seems laughable now, as ridiculous as sow wearing scarlet boots and a bonnet.

And so, I no longer yearn for another's love, but the love of my own self. A chance to learn and perhaps be able to understand myself better. I wish to see what it is that I must love in myself, before I start to love again. How I ought to view my being, before loving another. And in this endeavor, I wish to find peace and satisfaction, without having to cling to another person. To have contentment in the face of being alone.

I pray that I find this in the near future, that I may seek to improve myself. Not for the sake of my love for some person, but for my love of self.

What once was mine...

Hey yo! Look at that! A more frequent entry! I sure hope people still read this blog because it would be suck eggs if I'm doing this for no one. Hahahaha...god, I'm so lame. So anywho!

I just re-watched Tangled for God-knows-how-many times. And I know what you're thinking...

"What in the hell is a 22-year-old guy doing watching Disney movies? A princess movie of all?!"

But hey, don't judge me. There's a whole fleet of grown men who are fans of magical ponies. So yeah. Besides, it was a good movie. Love the funny parts, the fact that the singing parts were not too long and too spontaneous, and of course the story.

But I guess as a hopeless romantic, I have a thing for sappy stuff like that. It's typical for a girl to want that fairy tale type of love to happen to her, but this movie got to my feels real good. It reminded me of how beautiful and special love can be, how it can turn someone who's intentions were purely for one's self into one who was willing to risk all for the happiness of the other.

The confrontation between Rapunzel and Gothel was one of my favorite parts. How things escalated and eventually led to the lead male character being killed. How the lead male character chose Rapunzel's happiness over his life, lived in crime and thievery. How he was able to admit to himself and to her that she was "his new dream," knowing that he may never be able to experience his new dream in the expense of his dream being free from her bonds.

You can say it was rather sentimental in my part as I was also put in a situation where I had to give up what was important to me for the sake of someone I loved. To give up something, whether it be the relationship or your life itself, is something noble in my opinion. Now i'm not trying to lift my own chair here or anything, but let's face it. Anyone willing to give up something he holds dear for the convenience of the other is quite admirable.

But one thing that still gets to me is the last phrase of the magic song used to activate the magical powers of Rapunzel's hair.

"Bring back what once was mine."